toddler teacher

Been a while since blogging, but some things are worth being penned and shared... here's one such experience...

 

the last day of our trek to Roopkund, and at shouting distance is Ran-ka-dhar. I'm among the last people (Shreyas and Sidd being the others) walking in our trek group, along with Manoj who was the rear-guard of our trek. I find a chocolate bar in my pocket, but I'm not interested to eat at that moment. Just then, I see a kid, about a year-and-half old, standing in the courtyard of his house, blissfully playing. I tell Manoj, "Manoj bhai, ye chocolate bacche ko de kar aa jaunga, ruko." He takes it from me, and goes himself, since the kid seems not to understand other languages yet, when I call him. The little one happily takes the chocolate and safely puts it into the tiny pocket of his shorts. Just as Manoj bids a farewell, his mother calls out (translating to) "uncle ko pranam karo.". Without a moment's hesitation or second thoughts, the kid bends down to touch the feet of Manoj seeking his blessings.

It is the pure and unscathed humility of childhood, I figure out, that let the kid be so deft in listening to his mother. He doesn't spare time to thoughts of knowing (or not) whose blessings he was seeking, whether the elder is worthy of the respect, or any of those things that go through our minds when we're asked of an act of reverence. It is this toddler teacher that taught me, reverence to people doesn't involve answers to questions of the sort.

That moment is fresh into my thoughts even after a whole month since we trekked. And here it goes, lest I forget it over time, serving a reminder for later..

...and then, she was free...

Few drops of dark shades falling from her eyes, a naive view she was holding in, the deeper the world went, the smaller her heart grew. Dark water kept pouring in her empty hearted glass. It was like an endless waterfall of sadness. Her eyes, wandering in the mist of happiness, looking for a ray of sunshine, but all she got, was a snowflake in the dark summer. Days were pretty in her head, but none in her eyes. Reflections of the world she kept running from, followed her into every moment she lived.

A step here, and one there, on the pathless road with a desperation in her heart for a pure happy world. The millions of emotions she kept hidden inside a room of her pretty little heart, was like a magic box of the purest layer of desire. She packed it with the most beautiful bunch of flowers she plucked from the dark world she had left. As she walked out, she was up in the air, walking on a rainbow, a blooming heart, ready to fly. Silently, her wings grew like the moon among the stars, and then she set herself free. 

Free from the burden of expectations., she emancipated her soul from the shackles of self doubt. Letting go of her fear of inhibition, flying higher and higher into the deep blue sky. Yes, she's now free. Free to be anyone she wants to be... anything she wants to be

-Anon.

between logic and emotions...

Vulcans : as Sarek tells Spock about them, “Emotions run deep within our race, in many ways more deeply than in humans. Logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience, a control of feelings so that they do not control you”. Even Kirk needed Spock when it came to warp the Enterprise out of a crisis caused because of his own emotions.

Where do the two originate from - logic and emotions...? Aren't they both from our own thought-processes?

Then why, I wonder, is it so difficult to be rational for humans! Whether it is about asking why tears roll down when the hero of the movie is dying in his mother's arms, or when it is to convince someone to see the rationale behind certain decisions, humans prove Sarek right, time and again. Feelings have taken control of the mind to an extent where they are merely uncontrolled expressions. Seldom does one manage to check these expressions. It simply doesn't seem to work in humankind that the mind can rule over matter... where the mind is the master, and not the slave. Keep the doors open for this to happen, but still, the choice for humans, is to pick the mind being the slave of 'feelings'., and of the surroundings. And for those who choose to control rather than be controlled, are Branded. They are stereotypes who don't understand, are stubborn and determined to be against others.

However one chooses to control feelings, On Vulcan, would have had it taught from childhood. Here on Earth, it's well nigh impossible. One has to find one's teachers... or find other green-blooded hobgoblins. I'll consider myself fortunate for having found not one, but two of them. They help me find rationale when I fail to. While one's way of conveying is by making me realize the 'flow' of things, the other conveys by apt words when I fail at them. One's practical, while the other's words of lesson. One lends experience, while the other lends ideas. It's them that, when I'm unable to check on my emotions, reason me out and make me see logic.

For this, shall this be a "thank you note" to the two... to Music, and to Poetry.

Last days and a lonely ride 5

Day 3 : The lost piece...

A "Paanch Samosa Pineapple Pastry"... after an exotic snack as that, the junta disperses in bits and pieces. For the two earlybirds that left without a taste of it, parcels are prepared, but end up dumped in a bin., courtesy, the shadow on a bicycle that frightens the delivery-girl. (Aparna, I never thought I'm so frightening...):

Day 4,5,6,7 : Adventure is out there!

A 0730Hrs departure plan gets me saddled up by 0650Hrs. A wait for breakfast company till 0830Hrs, Suri is finally there, and we have breakfast till 0925Hrs. The next 35 minutes are for the Three Musketeers. All of what was spoken shall remain unspoken, and a lot that had to be spoken remains unspoken. It's 1000Hrs., finally and an adieu for the moment.

A few minutes into the journey, the cellphone and watch are dumped deep within the backpack. "Dear world, I'm not a part of you until I'm back home, and I shall live the moments that shall come by at my own pace."

A few starting glitches, loose nuts, all fixed, the journey has begun. It's a whole new world out there. Ups, downs, sweaty brows... I'm getting exhausted faster than I thought I will... packs of re-hydration stuff, quick calories, they're becoming more essential. My first pit-stop is sooner than I thought.

Barely 20km into my journey and about two and a half hours of non-stop cycling, and I'm physically giving up... there's a tree near one school, and kids playing nearby. I stop for a while, where one of them, I make friends with. He gives me the most profound lesson of the journey. "Take more short breaks instead of few long breaks."

Next, it's a stream, and the sun's blaze suggests it's around 1300Hrs. A good time to spend in the cool waters. Another break, and the journey continues.

My greatest challenge shows itself up by 1600Hrs. Agumbe-ghat takes me over four hours with three long breaks to gain the 550-odd meters of altitude. The security at the checkpoint is fancied by my adventure and lets me pass, despite his hunch that a pack of glucose could be drugs... :D

Here on, I don't want to keep track of the journey either... just to live the moment.

The eighty four hours and six minutes of cycling that take me from the MIT campus in Manipal to my home in Bangalore... those few hours of my life teach me more than I could have ever imagined... a lot of them coming from enlightened minds I meet along my journey.

"Don't just love your family! Care for them. Don't just care for the 'Green' of the Earth, learn to love it."
"Money is the last thing needed for someone to be happy."
"Don't be irreplaceable. You will be stuck in the same place forever, like a tree."
Think simple... like the school kid. Greater challenges become trifles.
I'm willing to chase a dream. A lot of people can't sleep.
Be carefree about what people think.
*wants* should come only after *needs*, and *cans*.
...

Oh! This list could go on, all the way to death. "Lectures on philosophy", I'll title the book if I write any about it.

It's 2206Hrs on Saturday, when I unlock the doors and enter 'home sweet home'.
Wow! I've actually cycled all the way back home. It's a sense of amazement about what a little frustration and *mind over matter* can do together...

I'm unable to understand what emotions I'm going through. I'm not tired, or excited, or happy... or maybe I'm experiencing all of them together... maybe, it's just those three sleepless nights and I'm hallucinating... just again, maybe, the pack of glucose was indeed drugs... :P
I leave a message for those whom I'd promised I would. I've had a long shower and the last of my left-over chocolates... staple diet in all my journeys.

I think I should be off to bed... a good sleep is what I need... I'm lying on bare ground, recalling every moment of the past week as they unfurled and decide to put it up on my blog. I'll want this recorded... just for me, and not anyone else. But I guess the mind finally gave in to the body sooner than usual.

Last days and a lonely ride 1

P.S: Quotes unquoted...

Day 1:  May 27th 2012.

MiB or MI? When Men-In-Black seemed like Mission Impossible.

When I thought I'll set right a li'l big mess with MIB-3, and make an exit from Manipal (and from among them...) for the time-being.

~0730 Hrs : A walk down to Udupi and from there, towards Malpe for no reason.

~1130 Hrs : Walk back from Malpe unable to enjoy myself. It was here that I'd decided. The li'l big mess ought to be set right. Phone rings...

'Hello!'

'Hi, free?'

'errmm, we're not in town right now... ad-hoc plans.' (and I learn that the plans are MIB-3...)

'Oh! fine. Enjoy.'

~1630 Hrs : Back to Udupi to blow up ten grands, and nobody knows why or what it was. The loneliness and the "good-bad" argument in my head have driven me insane. A moment's decision was all it was... maybe it was a thought of dying out of exhaustion on the way that made me do it...

~1730 Hrs : Still not all right, and my plans to leave early next morning are seeming to vanish into thin air. Phone rings again...

'Dude, what time do you think you'll be back?'

'Not sure., but surely not before 9.'

Damn! shouts my head, and another split moment decision... plans of leaving postponed by another day. And in the meanwhile, a few pending jobs *though unimportant, could be completed.

~2030, I get an SMS... 'Hey, won't have to stay here anymore and again.'

~2130 : 'Hey, just got down at TC. catch up after a few min for dinner..." and I message back saying "okay...'

finally, about an hour later, I just get enough time to meet up and say 'Congrats, and hope you had good fun. Thought I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Your treat shall be pending. Hope to see ya again...'

'Yeah. How about treat at KC? Breakfast on me.'

'Maybe... okay.'

The conscious lie about leaving next day morning isn't leaving me comfortable. So I SMS again 'I'll be staying back the next day for some last minute work. Treat need not be at breakfast... take your time at waking up... need not wake up all so early to bid farewell...'

'Okies...' I get a reply, and that was the last one.

Day 2... next time...

a never-ending wait...

I want to go back, stop it from happening,

the truth... it's past and nothing can be done.

first--sarcasm fills the air
striking remarks then follow.
small grins, dubious eyebrows,
oh--let the arguments begin!
time passes by...
only acquiring the habit we've begun.
though the longer the mockery is,
the harder it is to reveal each other's identity.
...ironically--my only desire is to show you me.
unfortunately, there's just too many sarcasm,
and barely little of the real us...
I asked if we could change it,
you said "yes--we can."
deciding that nature will take its place
we set aside our worries and proceed with life.

while in our minds, there is,

I feel, still a boundary keeping us apart.
will our friendship ever be like it once was?

...in my mind, every morning, noon and night,

I hope to be among you, once again...

I pray that we stay forever friends...

I wish we laugh together, like we once did.

I'll wait till the end riding on my hope,

for hope is a good thing and it never dies they say.

To the God of iThings

"A for apple" was the first proper English that I learnt. Since then, the apple has in its many manifestations, taught me so much. But none has been as inspiring as the "White Apple" that first caught my eye in the early days of my "Job". A freebie at first, my first (and so far, only slice of the Apple) iPod packing that had the little "White apple bitten on one side" looked classy... and when I opened the box almost 2 years later, that's when the Apple really inspired me to know more about itself... and so began a journey of knowing these products, and the iBrain (iBrain as in an "Intelligent Brain") behind them... and you, all of a sudden you're iconic...

Dear Steve,

I've always admired you for your adamance and perfection... qualities I associate myself with. That's one reason you've become the blessed one. Every time I saw you come out with that turtle-neck Tee-Shirt for a new product release, (and I saw most of your PRs only in the last couple of couple of years...) I'd be transfixed at the spark in those eyes that have inspired me and a million alike. The way you sought perfection in all that was a "The Apple", the way you got the best out of people's ideas, the way you've imagined the future, the way you change perception of everything... there are a million reasons why you're so inspirational. 

There was a time when the iPhone was first released, and there were a lot of people and emails that called the iPhone iStone... every time I saw one such, my heart would ache, not because I deemed the iPhone perfect, but I could realize what it takes to come up with something like that... because by then, I'd already tasted the flavors of the iMac and the iPod, and knew how perfect it was with whatever it was... (and of course, you and your people have only made it better by the day...). I owe you for the wonderful team that you built for some of the finest animation movies I've seen in Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Wall-E and Up. They've often lightened up my days and gotten me out of my blues. Walt Disney Studios alone wouldn't have done it, or maybe they would have. But it's your brainchild, Pixar that has really made it happen for now. For they bring back my childhood; or rather bring out the child in me., that's one more reason why I admire Steve Jobs...

While you ensured anyone who owns an iMac makes a style statement, and puts himself into a different calibre, you also managed to capture the cheaper market with the iPods... why, you even managed to have an iPhone at the intermediate budget class. I will never be able to understand the Management Guru that was running in your brains, or your office... but all I know is that you had your own niche in every class of the economy... and my hats off to that. I may not buy all or even a few of Apple's products, but then, I don't need to. 'cos I don't love the Apple brand, I respect it. Now that you're off to the iHeaven Steve, I don't know if the iBrands will continue their wonderful run like they've been doing so far, or better or worse. But for all that I know, ever since I got to understand gadgets and technology, the Apple has inspired me in so many ways, and the God of iThings will continue to live in my heart.

May your soul not simply rest in peace, but continue to inspire a million more to make this world a better place to live in.

And do write back and let us earthlings know how your iHeaven looks like :)

Hold Fast...

Nah! I didn't mean to hold a fast as in some ceremonial day with nothin to eat... I meant to hang on... hang on to what was once a little dream. The dream of a little school boy going to a place none of his classmates even cared to look up in the 'Atlas' for his age. And then there is, all of a sudden, this urge to catch it. It comes as a reason for a change... and then it becomes 'The reason'!

Today, there's a fire in the belly that has subdued some values (though they were alwayz questionable at the Receiving end too...). Only feel bad for whoever believed things will take the right stream there-on. Never was this eagerness to hold fast to dreams been so until it came as the 'A reason'. Atleast it's made its presence felt. It's finally broken the shackles and comeout of that corner where it was 'burried' for the sake of others, asking for it's righteous place in life.

Ain't it amazing??? that they spring up at the least expected times?  Reminds me of a beautiful poem by Louise Driscoll I'd by-hearted in school, though until today I'd forgotten almost all of it except for the first line. Here's a few more...

Hold fast your dreams!
Within your heart
Keep one still, secret spot
Where dreams may go,
And, sheltered so,
May thrive and grow
Where doubt and fear are not.
O keep a place apart,
Within your heart,
For little dreams to go!

In and Out

Isn't it amazing... that some people move in and out of your life is such a short time... but still manage to leave a lasting impression in you! They come in as acquaintances... and then, before they leave, so much has changed... Like most (though not all...) of the people who have managed to leave a lasting footprint in the sands of my own life, it was another "Her". I myself wonder, why so much that I've learned in all my life (apart from whatever scholastic) has been from muliebrity. 

I got acquainted to her just about 2 years ago...and little had I then imagined that she'd influence my life so much. For a fairly long time, we were only "Acquaintances", but to be honest, I had never got acquainted to her  until as long. And then, came a day, when we were left to ourselves in a crowd. It was only then, as I can remember, did I accept her as a Friend. We were no more unacquainted acquaintances, but this though, wasn't "just like that". Soon, I believe I had proven she could believe me too... and now, within a short span, we were "Good Friends"... and times still changed. The two had vested upon the other, our trust, and this friendship was going to last. But then, one fine(?) day, I, having always been the more "Stupid" of the two, brought out an argument out of thin air, and strained one of those "invaluable" relationships of life. Things were mended over a short time, but that's when I'd really realized what this lady meant to me. Ever since, I've told her every little decision of my life... expecting her to correct me (I told you I was the more "Stupid" of the two... :P ), and so has she done. And then, a day came, when we could not talk to one another like we always did. I'm now left to myself at times, when I've to take decisions. And the only way I've been able to work them out properly... is by putting myself in her shoes, and pondering over. Or otherwise, remembering every bit of those countless hours of "Gyan" she gave me whilst telling me where I was wrong in my actions.

I really don't know why I wanted to mention "Her" here. It is probably because of all that has been happening off late with me, and my decisions. More importantly, because I've missed this lady, when I wanted her "Gyan" the most... Or, maybe because of the everlasting impression she has made in my life in such a short span.

Like Anon says,

"Life's a Motel, and there are those who come in to stay.

But it is those who go out, that show others the way."

secret no more...

Long ago, I'd heard this quote "Secrets are things which someone tells everyone not to tell anyone". but i don't believe it. Anon has opinions on this too...
I've always been very fond of keeping secrets. both mine, as well as others'. Some of them have been hidden for as long as a decade. There was one such that i thought can always be confided as long as it is in something personal, say my wardrobe or cell phone... or anything else like it. But sometimes, unexpected events reveal such secrets to the most unexpected of people. One such event happened yesterday, when it fell into someone's hands. the secret had once already revealed itself to him through one friend who betrayed. But that was a long time ago... past and gone and forgotten... not for me though. And now happens this event, which refreshes such memories. The one who knew it because of this betrayal... and possibly had even forgotten it all... now knows it as though i've confessed it to him!!! oh my! Both of us know each other as much and have faith in us that it will be a secret between us.
But still... today... there is a fear... somewhere deep inside... can secrets never stay secrets only to those who know them? Just hope that it does not end up like the Secret quote.

do it, or dont. Don't try to...

I've heard of this word "Try" from many people. I used it at one time too... maybe as a school boy. Then I learnt something. Someone asked me to try and drop a pencil; and made me realize what the state of someone's mind is, when (s)he "tries to"...

It's not just words that speak. I've learnt from life, that there are many other things that speak.

I once saw joy in my father's eyes as a small boy, (aged about 6 years.), though his words were as calm and composed as always... That was my first lesson to understand this.

As i grew up, I learnt... there are many other things that speak. the way someone smiles, the way someone reacts to your talk... even the way someone walks...

Even the composure of this blog speaks a million things... only for those who can understand though... wondering why I blog all this??

Only a few hours ago, I saw someone "trying to hide". It was so clear and evident that somethings were not acceptable. Still, the make-believe was that everything was ok. Accepting if something is not ok is always acceptable. But then... some people understand some things too soon... just be so very careful when you "Try" to pretend before such people...

Heads and Tails...

Whenever I need to make a quick decesion, I toss a coin. "Heads, positive, Tails, Negative". I suggest many that this is the simplest way of deciding. I know, they would think I'm a moron or a Psycho of some kind, or something else, anything but normal. But there's a further secret step to be taken. This, I've only told those who've tossed a coin on my suggestion. Time to reveal it to everyone who wants to know too...

The moment I toss the coin, I also have a decision. A decision to toss the coin again, until it ends up in the affirmative. A few days ago, when I read Q&A by Vikas Swarup, I realized, how similar I was to the hero of the novel in making decisions., who had already decided what it was going to be. Heads, Positive, Tails, Negative... and he would never go with the tails for a Positive call... and would always win, for the fact that his coin was "Double Headed";)

"Decisions are already made..."

Recession... no better explanation

Yet again, but after one experience I had with a security guard, this time it was a traffic cop. Now, this time, it is not for me to think if we are worth... rather, this guy made me admire how even such "Jargons" of the "Civilized world" are so simply understood by these"People from the Small Towns" (छोटे शेहेर के लोग as they are commonly known across the बड़े शेहेर के लोग। ).

The beauty of their life makes me admire the छोटे शेहेर way of life. As always, like it's more out of habit (the habit of chattering too much;) ) than something else, I started talking to this guy too. The moment he realized my Engg. background, and that I work for a sw firma, the first thought that hit him was about recession. I was sure it was his first thought, because he took no time in asking how SW engineers made a living with this recession. Now, as I started explaining how less the impact of Recession in India was, and the hype that the media has created, he interrupted me. He said, ಬಿಡಿ ಸಾರ್ ಗೊತ್ತು ಈ Recessionಉ. (Meaning, leave it sir, We know what this recession means, and its menace too...). I thought it's time to close my mouth, and open my ears. so, continued hearing what he was saying...

This is how he explained "Recession" to me...

"There is a situation, where tomatoes cost 40rupees a kilo. wondering about the profit they would make if they grew tomatoes, everyone kicked off with tomato cropping at the same time. Now, a while later, when it was time to harvest, everyone was waiting for a shock. With all the crop harvested at the same time, the market was so full of tomatoes, that it became hard for the farmers to sell it at even 50paise a kilo, and the harvest was going down the gutter. Now, you people are the tomatoes, and all the SW firms, the farmers, who thought you tomatoes would be the best bet in a market so full of vegetables, to make the best profits."

Yes, he was so very simple. The way this छोटे शेहेर का आदमी spoke.. actually, had I been given an explanation like this at the first instance, I would not have taken so long as I actually did, to understand recession. How simple, and practical the lives of these people are. If only... I were from a place like where he was from... Life would have been so simple to understand... and so, would be the meaning of life...

Hats off to the simplicity of these people. Civilized earthlings, learn something from them. Recession would ceretainly not have hit us as hard as it has, had we understood life their way.